Monday, October 2, 2006

Trapped

I'm a happy, organized, ambitious person trapped in an overweight, depressed body.? It's like the two sides of my brain are battling each other.? I'll think all day long, "I want to..." or "I need to..."? or any number thoughts about projects that would make my life more organized, peaceful, productive.? Yet somehow they get stuck there.? My body refuses to cooperate.? I'm tired - exhausted, really - and can't seem to get going.? I'm walking a mile or more 5 days a week, but can't seem to use what little energy I have to actually do something.? It's amazing to be living your life and all the while feel like a tiger pacing in a zoo cage.? I find myself restless - legs constanting wiggling, fingers fidgeting, brain racing, but unable to focus the restless energy to do anything more than finally wiggle myself to sleep.? My current playlist is one consisting of Chris Rice's more mellow tunes.? I don't even feel like listening to his peppy tunes, which usually perk me up.? I just don't even want to perk up.? I know it's a slump.? I know what to do to get out of it, I?just don't want to...

and that's not good.

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