Thursday, December 21, 2006

Twinkletime Trivia

I'm a trivia nut, so I thought I'd share some holiday trivia with you.? How many of these tidbits did you know about?

?Bob Hope spent 25 consecutive Christmases away from home.? He was entertaining troops serving at home and abroad.

A glass pickle ornament is supposed to be hidden in your Christmas tree for good luck.

Alabama was the first state to make Christmas an official holiday in 1836.

Grover Cleveland was the first president to enjoy electric Christmas lights on his tree in the White House.

"White Christmas" is the biggest-selling Christmas single of all time.

"It's a Wonderful Life" annually appears on television more than 300 times.

The Romans began the tradition of exchanging gifts.

Elinor Roosevelt wrote a Christmas story about a girl named Marta.

An angel is the most popular tree topper.

Happy, happy, merry, merry!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Cracker Conundrum

Last week Sarah and I got Spongebob animal crackers while we were at the store.? Later in the day she and Brandon were enjoying said snack and having a very serious discussion on whether or not Spongebob's hands are behind his back.? I believe the consensus turned out that they were indeed behind his back.

Why they were back there has yet to be determined.

The Gift of the E-magi

I got this e-mail the other day -?the best forward, ever.?

I will have one less present to buy when Applebee's sends my gift certificate for forwarding their e-mail. I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for? participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore ,and Uzbekistan .

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

My own addition: Don't forget that you're not really a Christian unless you forward this 12 people in the next 3 minutes...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Merry Christmas!

I've driven myself nuts, but I've redone the theme using a splendid graphic.? Hopefully it will bring you a warm, fuzzy feeling when you look at it.? More importantly, I hope it will remind us all of the real reason for CHRISTmas.

So merry, happy, feliz; and all those good things.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

The Mom's Twelve Days of Christmas

This is ?The Twelve Days of Christmas" according to my MOPS group. I?ll count down from twelve to save the best for last. And yes, you can sing it to the tune of ?The Twelve Days of Christmas.? Just try not to make the milk you?re drinking with your cookies come out of your nose when you laugh.?

On the 12th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 12 sticky fingers
On the 11th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 11 trips to Wal-Mart
On the 10th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 10 melted crayons
On the 9th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 9 mood swings
On the 8th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 8 flying nuggets
On the 7th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 7 temper tantrums
On the 6th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 6 sloppy kisses
On the 5th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 5 food fights
On the 4th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 4 hours of sleep
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 3 new teeth
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 2 hugs and kisses
On the 1st day of Christmas, my children gave to me: A poopy diaper

Makes you glad you?re a mom, doesn?t it? Well, at least it makes it funny.
Thanks to the Mineola MOPS group for a great laugh - and bring your cookie recipes on January 17th!

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Borrow Santa's Elves

The holidays are officially upon us.? It's the second day of Christmas and your gift list is missing the "done" checks.? What to do?? With that beloved cousin of yours 500 miles away, it seems that a gift is out of the question unless you actually travel the 500 miles to give it.? With the advent of mail drop services, that's no longer the case.

What is a mail drop?? It's a shop where you can rent a mailbox, send packages - do anything you could at the post office, really.? But it doesn't stop there.? Mail drop companies can receive packages for you, which is great when you order that expensive gift that has to be signed for at delivery.? You don't have to worry about being home when you use your mail drop address.? They'll sign for you and hold it until it's convenient for you to come get it.? Even better, leave directions and they'll send it on to cousin for you when they receive it.? How convenient is that?

Don't know where a mail drop is?? Check Mail Drop Guide?- you can search for mail drops by state, and even find international mail drops.? When you do find the mail drop service listing for the company you want to use, everything you need to know is right there:? address, phone, fax, description, and even a link to its location on Google Maps.? Some even offer an e-mail form right there for you to contact them.?

So, get shopping and set those elves to work!
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