Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A Worse Day

Brandon (5) got in trouble today - his second day of kindergarten. Again, the day seemed to be going fine until he got home. Just getting him home today was a nightmare because of the bus and the transportation director not telling me the right information.

I feel like a failure as a mother, and that Brandon is a failure as a student. All this time I thought I was doing the right thing by staying home with him and keeping him out of day care and the like. Only now he doesn't know how to sit still in class and got in trouble not once, but twice today.

The teacher's note says that he "needs to learn control." How do I teach that, and how long is she going to give me? How much trouble is he going to get into while we're trying to teach him? The vagueness of her statement is frustrating...what does she want me to do? I've never done this before and I need direction.

It helped to call my friend and cry to her, but I can't spend my life crying to someone about everything. Sometimes I think my depression stems from my apparent inability to parent my children and that I'd be fine if I'd never had them. But have them I do, so I have to figure this out somehow. I keep thinking if I could get this parenting stuff down, I'd be fine. If only life were that simple...

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